Review of "Breakfast"

April 12, 2017

Though this humble reviewer woke on the wrong side of the bed (lingering headache / overwarm / dry scalp) we also woke with a healthy dose of quiet reverence for the absolute transit of things. In yesterday’s lecture on Claudia Rankine’s “Don’t Let Me Be Lonely,” we finally lighted on the potent truth that Rankine’s relationship with and nearness to death keeps her from the illusion of life as it’s been sold to us through market capitalism. That nearness to death, nonetheless, does not prevent us from being excited for this morning’s much anticipated, much talked about “Breakfast”. 

Inspired by yesterday’s “Dinner,” this morning’s “Breakfast” featured mid-career performances from the Blackberries (6 oz.),  Greek Yogurt (Greek God / four scoops / non-fat / plain), apple-cinnamon-raisin Granola (Creative Snacks Co.), and the never-on-schedule (but always on time) Cinnamon, performing live. 

Unfortunately we must confess this morning’s “Breakfast,” while featuring an all star cast and stellar production value, failed to live up to this humble reviewer’s humble expectations. 

The Blackberries looked to be in good shape. The Greek yogurt, brand new. Interesting to note: what distinguishes Greek yogurt from plain yogurt is process. The whey is strained, leaving us with less liquid and more protein. A denser/richer product than its more common counterpart. The Granola (prepackaged) tumbled out of its matte-finish, plastic confines eagerly. The Granola’s publicist held a brief press conference after taping had commenced to address questions of wholesomeness. She assured the anxious public that the Granola was in fact, “...artificial flavor, color, and preservative free!" NO HIGH FRUCTOSE CORN SYRUP HERE! Announced the publicist before leaving abruptly. Together the trio was mixed and mastered in a remote, New England studio. 

After our first bite, satisfied to see this project actualized, we breathed a sigh of relief. After all the press chatter, blog buzz, and delays, “Breakfast” was complete. And we could now enjoy it while watching reviews of other things on youtube. But after our third bite (we must be honest with you reader) the bowl fell flat. What really had us frowning was the hardness of the raisins which stuck to our teeth and gums like a very very hard and sticky thing.  Eyebrows were raised. Fortunately, after spoon three, it dawned on us that Cinnamon was meant to be present. And so, Cinnamon arrived later than expected for a live performance, reminding us of the health benefits of this wildly touted “Breakfast”. Cinnamon reassured us, all proceeds go to charity. 

Alas. It wasn’t until the penultimate spoonful that it happened. The explosion of bright berry flavor we so desperately wanted had finally come through. Perhaps too late. This is what we were missing. This is what we wanted more of. 

Our final verdict:

6.7 / 10